These Words from A Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."